RedTube Porn Blog

A common occurrence is now explained in this really funny short porn video! Okay… I say porn, there are no naked chicks in it… but it will make your porn loving faces smile.

So how to explain sticky keys to your kid… masturbation in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep? No, don’t be so rude you dirty bastards! It’s the Lubriderm Fairy, and this video explains the truth about the ‘lotiony’ computer mouse.

This funny cartoon porn will make you smile… but in all seriousness, it is a nightmare when wanking and something kits the keys…. or you cum on your hand and then forget… ooops… it’s all over the mouse! Why the hell did they make cum so hard to remove! Ever got it in a birds hair? You won’t be blown for a while after that mishap.

Allan Lake
Your RedTube Blog Host!

Agony Allan time! If you have a question about porn or maybe you need some Sex Tips or Sex Advice… Email me via this contact form and I will try my best to help you out… Todays email is:

Hey Allan,

Whenever I wank I cum but it never comes out like a pornstar’s.  It just flows down my dick.  How can I do a big cum shot?

Thanks for the email mate… It’s a very good question! I have the same issue, when I wank… the cum kinda just dribbles down my dick, I don’t manage a Peter North style cumshot! It’s just the way that some of us are… some guys shoot ropes, others just splutter a bit out! But I have some tips that work for me…

Firstly, as you are cumming… hold your dick tighter! The cum then gets squeezed through a tighter space, and like toothpaste being stamped on, you will squirt a lot more!

Secondly, It all depends on your body. But masturbating less, means more jizz is stored. Then when you next masturbate or have sex you’ll ejaculate a lot more… Yeah I know, No RedTube blogger should ever tell you to wank less! Ignore me and go for the first option!

Allan Lake
Your RedTube Blog Host!

I’m Allan Lake and I’m here to give you sex advice and sex tips and answer any questions about porn! If you have a question for Agony Allan… Send it in via our contact form!

Hey Allan,

I love RedTube and I spend hours wanking over it every week! I wank so much that I am getting bored! I am looking for ways to spice it up a bit… Do you have any advice?

Thanks!

Masturbation is fucking great! I’m married, I have a great sex life… but still… you just cannot beat a good wank every now and then! So I completely understand what you mean, it can get boring just pumping your fist. So let me share some knowledge with you that I have picked up! Firstly… The ‘sitting on your hand thing’ doesn’t work for me, and it doesn’t feel like someone else is tossing you off… it just hurts your hand!

Okay, so you are logged onto RedTube, you have got two pornstars fucking each other really hard in some hardcore porn. Let’s see what we can do with that cock of yours… This one sounds gay porno, but I bet most of your mates have tried it even though they won’t admit it. As you wank, with the other hand, put your index finger up your asshole! Trust me, if you do it as you are spunking your load…. FUCK…. its good!

Agony Allan Masturbation technique number two involves a shit load of baby oil, laying on your back and doing as you do best… Wank! This might sound boring, but trust me… do this properly and it’s good! So cover your cock in as much baby oil as you can… lay on your back and pump ya dick as usual… BUT just as you feel like you are going to cum… LET GO! Give it a 20 seconds… go fast again…. then as you are about to cum…. STOP!! It’s fucking awesome! It gets to a point when you can’t stop, and you blow your load… but be warned… you will cover anything within a mile radius with jizz! And it feels so good!

To my readers, feel free to add some wanking ideas below! I’m spent!

Allan Lake
Your RedTube Blog Host!

Welcome to the Lurve Lounge! We would have called it Love Lounge but didn’t want to sound like pussy’s. This sexy porn game is here to help you improve your aim and make you think about having ‘Safe Sex’, so next time you are wanking over a RedTube video, you can shoot your load into the bin and not the curtains! It’s a nightmare to get out of fabrics, you just ask my cleaner! And if masturbation isn’t your thing, it will remind you to rubber up when doing the deed!

So the Lurve Lounge game is pretty simple, a bit like me! Just use the space bar to shoot the dick and get the load into the condoms.. Warning, if you miss too much… you will make a baby! Get three babies, and just like real life, you are fucked!!! “Allan Lake, Promoting Safe Sex”… The queen should fucking knight me!

I scored 160, tell me what you get in this sexy porn game!

Allan Lake
Your RedTube Blog Host!

It’s monday, which clearly means that it is time for me to give you the results from our poll last week! But just before we do that, make sure you vote in this weeks poll… We are asking ‘Which new category you would like to see on Redtube.com?’, every vote counts, so get involved!

 
 
 
So last weeks question was ‘What’s the best thing to fuck, other than a pussy?’- and here are the results!:

* A butt hole! 59%
* Myself! 26%
* A sex toy! 9%
* A hot apple pie! 6%

Of course I am very dissapointed that the ‘American Pie’ style ‘Hot apple pie’ didn’t get more votes, but maybe all the pie fuckers out there are a little bit shy?

The winner this week is the butt hole, I would have expected masturbation with your hands (myself) to get more votes… but then again as they say ‘any hole is a goal’, so the ass hole is not a bad choice! I would love to know which sex toys guys are fucking, anyone got a ‘flesh light’ or maybe a blow up doll? Let me know! I’ve always wondered what they feel like!

Well done to our winner, the good old butt hole!! Wooop!

Allan Lake
Your RedTube Blog Host!